Discipline Required
Sometimes I’m hard on myself as I see the beautiful devotion of many of the students here. They seem so genuine in their connection.
It struck me as I look back that I have very little experience at devotion to gurus and specific paths. I have appreciated many teachers and practiced techniques over the years, but I had always put my allegiance to the “inner guru” (my unique blend of spirituality.)
I see how that same inner guru led me to find a teacher and lineage I can surrender to. The inner guru prepared me for this step. However, I was not prepared for so much ritual, conformity and discipline. Perhaps not being prepared is what is helping me to surrender to it.
I am learning to swim in the waters of soul science. Everyday I swish closer as I go through the motions, watch the questions float by and observe bubbles of truth rising to awareness. I am not naturally wired with a reserve of patience either.
But all things considered, hey…I’m doing pretty good. It’s a big sea and the ocean is deep so I will keep going and enjoy the sparks of light as I travel forth.
It struck me as I look back that I have very little experience at devotion to gurus and specific paths. I have appreciated many teachers and practiced techniques over the years, but I had always put my allegiance to the “inner guru” (my unique blend of spirituality.)
I see how that same inner guru led me to find a teacher and lineage I can surrender to. The inner guru prepared me for this step. However, I was not prepared for so much ritual, conformity and discipline. Perhaps not being prepared is what is helping me to surrender to it.
I am learning to swim in the waters of soul science. Everyday I swish closer as I go through the motions, watch the questions float by and observe bubbles of truth rising to awareness. I am not naturally wired with a reserve of patience either.
But all things considered, hey…I’m doing pretty good. It’s a big sea and the ocean is deep so I will keep going and enjoy the sparks of light as I travel forth.
posted by Maya | 10:14 PM
2 Comments:
hey, Maya -- I was in the same boat for years. YEARS. I'm not naturally a bhakti person, though I have my moments of devotion, just like the next guy, but some of the people in Penukonda really floored me with their single-pointed devotion to God. I mean, really, I felt like a total bumpkin, an oafish ogre-ish idiot, around some of those people. I envied them their devotion and their faith, and whatever motivated them to put flowers on Baba every day...
I really felt kind of guilty because I didn't have a burning sense of devotion to know god.
finally, one day Swami was talking about how people get to spirituality and he said, "as long as you really want to know the truth, it's enough."
and I realized -- my whole life I didn't care about that character called God very much, but I've always, even since I was a tiny kid, wanted to know the Truth of this creation.
and the secret is: wanting to know the Truth IS the same as bhakti to God. just a different way of expressing the same truth.
you're doing great, O researcher of the Truth. anyway, Swami always says, "don't be a slavism to me -- that's stupid. don't surrender to me. surrender to the Reality, surrender to the God, surrender to the Truth."
Alx
Hey Alx...I didn't think of it this way. I always wanted to understand the meaning of life, as long as it didn't hurt. Now, I realize that sometimes the truth is uncomfortable until you get to the point of seeing it all as equal in the Mother's Creation. Now I want the Truth even if...
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