Who Needs Fun?

Imagine hearing this as a North American Sagittarian. A person I admire here at the Penukonda ashram had been very sick for over two weeks. I watched the life force slipping away. We talked briefly on the stairs one day and he said he was so happy. I said, “But it isn’t any fun!” His response, “As long as were happy, who needs fun? I walked away quite twisted. I chewed on that idea for days. Then my opportunity arrived to implement that concept myself.

I had been leading the organization of the evening bhajans once every three days for several weeks. I was inviting interesting musicians and singers to join. We practiced for an hour before the evening singing began. It was really fun! The creativity flowed, we took turns picking songs and we put together the line up for the evening. It was a courageous act of love for all of us. When the group gathered in the Baba Temple, we made mistakes and had moments of complete synchronicity as we led the singers in devotional songs.

Well, things change around here overnight. The person in charge of the music SEVA team (selfless service) was directed to start traditional bhajan classes and to develop a Kaleshwar brand of bhajan singing. It turned out that I didn’t fit because I had a different style that needed grooming. I took it personally, mistake number one. I tried to make a case for diversity, mistake number two. Then I got into an emotional stir fry with the addition of the bhajan director adding ghee in the name of Baba. Have you ever tried to get someone to see clearly when their glasses are fogged up. Waiting for the fog to clear is helpful. I didn’t get that chance.

Here comes the implementation part….I realized that I was happy. I was in deep heartbreak, emotional cleansing, feeling left out, feeling betrayed, told I’m not good enough AND happy! Who needs fun? What I did need was decharging!!! This was a tip from the good hearted ghee slinger and a good one. In order to maintain balance in the fire, I needed to get my feet on the black marble, download the sadness and the solution-finding to Baba, pray for help in the mother’s cleansing water of the shower, stick my finger in the dirt and stare into the candle flame. The other thing that helped was to go into silence. I didn’t want to make it worse by talking about it to others.

Yesterday one of our teachers mentioned that Americans have the hardest time with discipline. We come from the land of the free and we give priority to diversity and creativity. To come to this path from the States and a New Age freedom background, it is hard to be asked to conform. It is hard to be told to trust and to give up all notions of the way we think it is. This may be the greatest lesson yet. Having every previous way of being, torn apart and reconstructed is an interesting path to divinity.

And so far…I am happy ….who needs fun anyway????