Sweet Mystery Tour

Dustbin Syndrome

2011-07-28T10:08:00.000-07:00

Dustbin syndrome starts with a sudden unexpected shock that punches the belief system and then passes through the body with shaking, confusion, and possibly tears. It is accompanied by complete awe that one could be taken by such surprise.

To a once a centered, inspired, and “on track” being, this can feel like having the wind knocked out of one’s sails or the life balloon coming to a glorious “pop”. To some it feels like a modern day crucifixion or death.

Dustbin syndrome can be a result of quantum leap hangover. When the earthling is pushed into a new consciousness stage, the past reference point must die and a new reference point be allowed to emerge in which to function from. In an age where there are no legs left to stand on one must learn to fly, having thought it impossible to have wings.

So we ask ourselves, at the risk of literally throwing the baby out in the bathwater, what still works? What is worth keeping, sharing, and living? Asking without really understanding the new vantage point can be interesting, but let’s hold our judgment here and remember that faith and patience worked really well in the past and may be useful now. Faith that we have the new vantage point, patience in learning to maneuver from that new place of consciousness.

“Free bird” used to be a word we could only imagine. Now it is within our grasp. Free to be present in each moment with all the connections to act from the deep well of unlimited, never-ending, truth. Finally, we have arrived back home to the place that holds everything that ever was and ever will be in its hand. It may not feel like we thought it would, since we were imagining from a long gone perch.

We have been kicked out of the nest. We must fly. We must make the flight of the soul to the new land and take as many as we can with us. It is the only true land, no land, one land, and it is what we came here for.

So as I dig around in the layers of earthly skin looking for those wings, I feel sad sometimes for the old days when I thought I knew, thought I could feel bliss, and thought I could help. Back when there was still an “I”, still a leg to stand on.

Legs gone…. Time to fly…..

Understanding the Middle Child-Guru Purnima 2008

2008-07-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

This Guru Purnima I learned what it feels like to be a middle child. The older sibling is shining so bright. The sweet adorable new baby is precious and needs help. The middle child, well… they help both. The older, they do the running for, while they are busy with their many talents and duties. The younger, who needs to be guided and watched out for, the middle child stands guard.

This year at the program in India, the middle students sat outside while the new students went to the front and the many older students needed to be close to do their seva. The new students received personal time with our teacher and the older students received special boons. The middle students got sent home early to balance the energy at the ashram. It was such a revealing experience about the many people who are in the middle for most of their lives.

When we were the new students, Swami ignored us and we weren’t pampered at all (at least it felt this way as a middle student.) This may have been a result of him seeing how dependent his first students were on his presence. But what actually is available for you of the middle group in this layered world??? You get to search for the deeper meaning of service, selflessness, and self worth. You may have the grace of going down and pulling yourself back up with the help of Baba and your own determination to stay inspired, devoted, and ready to become who you came to become. You get to see the value in the true friends who are willing to look after you and stand by you. You learn to see the gift in the hard knocks from the older students as they teach you the ropes of the real world A-Z. You get to feel what it is like to try to stay ready to help new students who are only fractions behind and often way ahead on the soul level.

It is hard to feel left out, invisible, betrayed. The middle feels more like you are a step that people walk on to get to and from the top to the bottom. So what is wrong with being a stepping stone? Once you see it for the beautiful service it is, you can take it more seriously as a way to help others while you too are pulled along as a part of the group. Without the middle step it would be hard to go up or down. Without the helpful available hardworking middle, not as much could be accomplished. Once again the larger lesson for me on this path is about how I can help, NOT what can I get.

Having grown up as the first child, I was used to the special attention and I learned to define myself by how much pride I could invoke in the family. I saw the frustration in my younger brothers as I was always four and seven years ahead in life. I also saw the love that we shared because I was kind and caring and willing to teach him everything I knew. Now I know what that felt like. I am the middle student in this Student Kingdom. I received the personal time from several of top students and then they moved on to other new students…as it has to be. I struggle in the shadow of the extremely talented teachers who have stepped into the world under Swami’s orders to “hit the globe”. I struggle to learn how to be a good servant of this work and to find my proper unifying place in the layers of Truth and Love.

In the midst of the struggle is the grace of this Divine Lineage pointing to the source of my challenges and the solutions for each. We learned at Guru Purnima that whatever our Divine Mother, creation in all its forms is presenting, Her finger is pointing to the true unchanging, silent dynamic source…Her beloved and our Father. We middle students need to grab that peace and unwavering inspiration as we work the trenches and learn to move as one middle ground for others to move to and from the source upon. Singing a silent song of love and bliss, may the days of my life be a vibration of healing and hope for many to come. May I give thanks everyday for being given the privilege to serve this mission to bring the Ancient Knowledge to the hearts and hands of the waiting souls.

Mirror, Mirror

2007-12-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

Mirror, Mirror on the wall. Who’s the fairest of us all?

Remember this phrase from our childhood when the answer was “Snow White”. That answer is highly symbolic when you think of it in terms of our inner beauty and essential nature. In the mirror is the snow covered peak of Mt. Kaylash and the ashen Lord Shiva sitting in meditation. That is a mirror I want to look into. To see the truth of my being... majestic and serene, to feel the deep silence that underlies my human existence. That kind of Snow White brings a leap of joy to my soul.

On the other hand, when I look at the mirror put before me every day in the remarks and actions of others, I often shirk and immediately deny that it is me I am seeing. I throw the rock of blame back in their court and think it will stay with them as I walk away. I walk away, if I am lucky without saying something to add to the mirror’s image, but the shadow of blame follows me home and sleeps in my bed until it bounces back and chinks a piece of my armor away.

Even the mention of mirrorism causes my mind to cringe and an uncomfortable feeling to come over me. My rusty skin pulls in and I yell, “Hey, this is too hard to understand. It’s hard enough to get up every day and meet the challenges of life with half a smile, let alone understand the angles of creation.” Now the poor me “little self “has arrived and shows itself with excuses and belief systems all playing as if I’m trying to get to first base by telling a good lie and hoping no one is watching.

When I arrive at first base, there is a mirror that reflects back all the little ways I lie to myself about how important certain things are: comfort, bliss, kindness, beauty, safety, plenty of fun, and plenty of people who think highly of me. The people I meet mirror back to me all the hidden fears and places that I have refused to take responsibility. The heartbreak, expectation, and disappointment along the way have become the focal point for my personality. They lay at the root of a belief system that I have built to shield me from pain and give me a false sense of meaning. My own mind has tricked me into thinking it’s all for the good.

Each time I feel hurt, frustrated, or overlooked it is the mirror that God is using to reveal my own growth edges. Sure, there are lessons for the others involved. It is often easier to see it for others than for ourselves. I can beat myself up and add salt to the wounds or I can jump for joy in a new way that requires dedication and inspiration to make a course correction for the sake of true happiness. Any time you learn a new dance, you step all over many feet before you get the hang of it.

How long will I turn away from the mirror and try to find comfort and safety in a false world I have built upon my personality needs and wants? When will I step up to the plate and be able to see the shame in the mirror as my own shame that I am unable to stand with, my own anger that I have failed to embrace, my own negligence to get on with the development of core soul power that can lead me and help me stand tall and bright in a world of sadness and suffering?

This is where we get down on our knees and pray in whatever way we know. We say “thank you” for God’s perfectly designed mechanism for our growth. We acknowledge our present situation and ask for the Divine to help us move forward in a new way where we can face our mirror with eyes open. We take the help and add our own dedication in order to stand balanced, open, and ready to receive. We use the natural reflections that come for fuel to inspire us to act with a new step to our feet.

Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all? The One in all is the fair One. The Silent Compassionate One is the Wise One and the very creation point from whence the mirror came. Mirror, mirror, tell it all; how we rise and how we fall. Guide us to that place in us that lives the truth and learns to trust. Mirror let me stand and see…the me in you…and the you in me.

City Slickers

2007-10-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

Who would have imagined? Two country folk moving to the Silicon Valley. Hey Baba, what is going on? It does make sense afterall. We were commissioned to hit the globe and make ourselves available for healing heartbreak and depression in the world. So here we are.

Things with the daughter drama took a new turn (hopefully for the good) and once again we hit the refresh button and find ourselves back on track with our mission to spread the Ancient Knowledge and do the deeper soul healing for those who ask. It was great having time to reconnect with family and now on to new friends and fellow seekers.

It all folded out before us and we followed the lead. We found a great little house in a nice neighborhood. It brings us close to our friends in Santa Cruz and to jobs to support us as we do our real work. A place to sing, pray, teach, and heal. We are happy to be here and looking forward to the next creative flow from our inner India.

Stay tuned for coming attractions!

Journey Number 9

2007-07-05T16:42:00.000-07:00

Journey number 9 tales a scene change. After one year, here we are (to our great surprise) back in the United States of America. It seemed like it was going to be an interesting finish to the Soul University year. Everyone was taking their second Visa break and to return in a month for the final 6 weeks of learning the ancient knowledge. Guru Purnima would be the official end and our graduation.

When we landed in San Francisco, we could tell something was up. There was no one there to pick us up and we hung out for hours trying to figure out what to do after 23 hours in the air. We could also feel how we were equipped for the chaos in spite of our tiredness and cultural change. We eventually rented a car and drove for safety in the Sierra Nevada Mtns. We had a beautiful safe harbor waiting there. We had left a small bedroom in Sage’s daughter’s house with pictures of Baba and Swami, our favorite alter pieces and statues AND our beauty rest mattress.

When we arrived, the bedroom was still sitting peacefully waiting but the rest of the scene was on its way into crisis mode. We could feel it, we could smell it, we immediately started picking from our new healing techniques to try to head the calamity off at the pass. It kept coming and within a few days, we were in the middle of an out of control manic episode with the key player being a young daughter that we both adored. We kept the healing flowing and her energy seemed determined to fight it off. We felt sure that Baba was with us, Jesus was with her, and all would be okay.

Days turned to weeks, emergency rooms, police, mental hospitals, doctors, family, attorneys, county health workers, her friends, escapes, near death, anger, violence….weeks turned to months. Day by day we wake to face what is before us. Endless surprises, twists, turns. We see how we have been prepared to face negativity and illusion. We find that our desire to be a light in the world has focused its beam for the time being, on one young woman.

Back to the spiritual talk, some say it is a big illusion, some ask what kind of a leela is this? Some say you shouldn’t let family stand in the way of your soul work, some say you are with us in our prayers every day. Yes! It is a BIG illusion. It is so big and obvious that we have to be here. There is no doubt that we are going to miss the final days of Soul University and graduation in Penukonda.

It is also very obvious to us that we are where we are supposed to be. We are still in the classroom, but the scene has changed. It is implementation time and more and deeper purification and learning as we face up to mental illness of the wildest kind in this Kali Yuga. Oh Kali…we see how you deal with negativity. We hope you are there under our skin helping us to stay strong and never stop our soul work wherever Baba puts us. It is all so different than it seems and we don’t really know what is at play here. We do know that it is all God Almighty and who would know better what to do when you are the only ones in the world who can be there for this person right now. Let the Almighty show the way, do the healing, take whatever twist and turns are necessary and give us the strength to stand for Love throughout.

The last few days we have been seeing how the surprise of not going back to our home in India, the music studio, the temple, Swami and friends, the ashram life, is teaching us about how the ego identifies with accomplishment, success, having a sense of yourself as someone special and be recognized for it. We don’t have any happy ending story to tell about India. We don’t have a finished CD, neither ours or the Bhajan CD we were so close to finishing. We didn’t come back as enlightened masters. We won’t be there for the grand finale’. We came back as a couple who believes in God and the grace of Love with a willingness to be ready to face every new day however it comes. We won’t give up our soul work and we won’t give up on a mentally ill daughter who needs someone who cares.

So here we are in the USA. Our light is shining and our life as healers has begun. We still love spirit singing and talking about truth. We miss the family of like minded Baba lovers even though we are adjusting to talking more about the weather than about the nature of God. We have each other, our protection circle is still in place and connects to others all over the globe. Let freedom ring!

Wonder in India

2007-07-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

February 2, 2007

Looking out at the most beautiful desert mountains filled with ancient rock formations, old temples, and caves, I wonder. So much has happened over time. Saints and kings, Muslims, Hindus, and Jains, war and deep peace, I wonder, where do I fit? Have I been here before? How many times? Why have I returned?

In this world with so much injustice, the balance seems dangerously to the negative side. I can feel the immense negativity in me. Wanting all my life to know the truth of my being, fighting the resistance in me, seeing how much I identify with this human life, wanting comfort, safety and meaning, longing to be nice, sing sweet, do good things and yet falling short of amazing potential within me.

That’s why I sit here in this holy land this time around. I found a tour guide, someone who knows the way in. The road is hot and dusty, the elements unpredictable. There is something inside me that has always been, that is moving my feet, beating my heart, and breathing my breath. That something, this guide, this lifetime, mysteriously combining and playing as I sit in wonder.

Birthday Angels

2006-11-03T02:16:00.000-08:00

There is a lot of talk about angels in spiritual circles. Sage had a birthday last week and we got to experience many angel faces as Sage gave out chocolates after the noon arthi. Later that evening, five angels came to our door. One was an angel from Belgium who brought fresh cakes from a bakery two hours away. Then two angel couples showed up with gifts, songs, and the sweetest energy... way beyond the frosting of a cake. They had smiles that warmed our hearts and wishes that went to the core of desire and said "Yes, you can have what you really want!"

Sage was wrapped in a blanket of love that day and he received acknowledgement for how truly kind and devoted he is to our new spiritual family. Thanks to the angels!

Rainy Season

2006-11-03T01:58:00.000-08:00

Beautiful showers and cooler (finally) weather have set in. It is refreshing and absolutely gorgeous. Daily troops of dragon flies, monkeys, parrots, and moths roam the gardens. Yesterday two black bees the size of tennis balls kept checking out the red bindi between my eyes, hoping for a big score.

Along with the outward heat of the last four months is an internal heat. I have come to find out it is a symptom of energy flowing. After seven years of hot flashes finally ending, I had hoped the cosmic would come in waves of bliss with generous heaps of joy and inner peace. Another romantic expecatation covered in ash as I keep moving into the reality of the cosmic and surrender to my personal journey of unmasking the Divine in me.

For me right now it is like a soft feathery tickle that sweeps through my entire body. It triggers a subtle remembrance and a sensation of support... the kind of support that has always been there and always will be. Then along come my thoughts and I wonder how spicey the dal will be today, when is my SEVA shift, is it time for bhajans or arthi??? I had better check the bulletin board to see what is happening.

There is the rain again. There is that heat... and Ah... that tickle!

Silence is Golden

2006-11-03T01:56:00.000-08:00

I used to sing about the golden moments of my life.
Now Silence is golden
I sing no more

Ganesha Festival

2006-08-29T02:14:00.000-07:00

We are basking in the energy of Ganesha, the elephant headed son of the Divine Mother. He is the remover of all impossible obstacles, the harmonizer of energies, the blesser of all things. We had the joy of watching a local artist create a Ganesha statue, sculpt it, and paint it. Then the decorating began. It turned into such a gorgeous scene with flowers and offerings of sugar cane and sweets. The village has been celebrating for three days...I can hear the fireworks as I write. Even the children love Ganesha.

Here is the Ganesha prayer from Sri Kaleshwar's book, Gifts of Shirdi Sai Baba:

Om Suklam Bhara-dharam
Vishnum Se-shivarnam
Chatur-bujam Prasanna-vadanam
Dhi-ya-ye Sarva Vignopa Shanta-ye

Om Agajanana Padmarkam Gajanana
Maharnisham Aneka-Dantanam
Bahktanam
Yekadanta Mupasma-he

So as the huge elephant of Love clears our path, may your energy channels open and success be yours!

Discipline Required

2006-08-18T22:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I’m hard on myself as I see the beautiful devotion of many of the students here. They seem so genuine in their connection.

It struck me as I look back that I have very little experience at devotion to gurus and specific paths. I have appreciated many teachers and practiced techniques over the years, but I had always put my allegiance to the “inner guru” (my unique blend of spirituality.)

I see how that same inner guru led me to find a teacher and lineage I can surrender to. The inner guru prepared me for this step. However, I was not prepared for so much ritual, conformity and discipline. Perhaps not being prepared is what is helping me to surrender to it.

I am learning to swim in the waters of soul science. Everyday I swish closer as I go through the motions, watch the questions float by and observe bubbles of truth rising to awareness. I am not naturally wired with a reserve of patience either.

But all things considered, hey…I’m doing pretty good. It’s a big sea and the ocean is deep so I will keep going and enjoy the sparks of light as I travel forth.

What a Pretty Picture

2006-08-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

Imagine the couple sitting in deep meditation at the ashram. So peaceful, not a care in the world but finding God.

Actually, several weeks ago we started studying Vaastu, ancient Indian architecture based on the directions and the elements. We were told to read the entire book and know the subject in a week. Everyone frantically came out from temple and started studying. As we jumped into the knowledge, our fearless leader, Sri Kaleshwar modeled what we were reading by building the compound walls higher.

We looked around us at the Northeast and the Southwest and we understood some of Swami’s recent comments about the ashram vaastu. A week or so later, Swami showed up at a bhajan evening to inform us that the digging would begin the next day. It would take a month of non-stop digging to remove the dirt to lower the Northeast corner and put that same dirt in the Southwest to bring in height and weight. This would help to bring up the marks for perfect Vaastu for the ashram and anyone who thinks of it as their home.

We were imagining the digging to go somewhat like the compound walls with locals carrying containers on their heads and the days rolling by with dirt quietly being moved from one place to another. Well, they don’t call it the Divine Mystery Fort for nothing. The next day, in came several huge backhoes, five dump trucks and a huge crew of workers. It was loud motorized earthmoving from early morning until late at night. Oh by the way, guess where all the meditators live? In the Southwest corner where the new dirt is dumped. There is no escaping the noise, and the dirt. It is the earth element in action, blessing of the earth angel, Bhuteshwari.

So next time you think of us, you may notice a light coating of brownish desert dirt on our clean white outfits. Is this where the expression “True Grit” was born??? Yippe ki ow ki ay!!!

Spiritual Vocabulary

2006-08-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

In spiritual circles discussions can quickly turn from normal family, career, and sports topics to things like illusion, karma, and dharma. I am currently swimming in this sea and I contemplate words like this daily.

What is illusion? How is it different for the normal everyday life and for the spiritual soul researcher? What is karma? How does it affect me and the people I love and care about? What is dharma and how do I know it in my life different from desire or illusion or even karmic debt being played out in my current life? Is this the longing to know how it all works and who I really am?

It is a gnawing feeling to be in such mystery and know there is so much more to every move than meets the eye. It is hard to trust my humanness and yet I live in this body and operate from here. How do I make peace with it all?

I can hear Jonathan’s voice now, ” Do your sadhana and build resistance power. Build your protection circles and just keep going in faith and patience.” We are so blessed, having had such incredible guidance from our teachers Jonathan and Alx. They are never afraid to tell it like it is and we were prepared before coming here. We heard references and stories about the illusion. We were always encouraged to be honing in on what we deeply want. We talked about karma and yet, to be here peeling back the beliefs and looking at the essence of these words leaves me speechless.

Who Needs Fun?

2006-08-16T06:17:00.000-07:00

Imagine hearing this as a North American Sagittarian. A person I admire here at the Penukonda ashram had been very sick for over two weeks. I watched the life force slipping away. We talked briefly on the stairs one day and he said he was so happy. I said, “But it isn’t any fun!” His response, “As long as were happy, who needs fun? I walked away quite twisted. I chewed on that idea for days. Then my opportunity arrived to implement that concept myself.

I had been leading the organization of the evening bhajans once every three days for several weeks. I was inviting interesting musicians and singers to join. We practiced for an hour before the evening singing began. It was really fun! The creativity flowed, we took turns picking songs and we put together the line up for the evening. It was a courageous act of love for all of us. When the group gathered in the Baba Temple, we made mistakes and had moments of complete synchronicity as we led the singers in devotional songs.

Well, things change around here overnight. The person in charge of the music SEVA team (selfless service) was directed to start traditional bhajan classes and to develop a Kaleshwar brand of bhajan singing. It turned out that I didn’t fit because I had a different style that needed grooming. I took it personally, mistake number one. I tried to make a case for diversity, mistake number two. Then I got into an emotional stir fry with the addition of the bhajan director adding ghee in the name of Baba. Have you ever tried to get someone to see clearly when their glasses are fogged up. Waiting for the fog to clear is helpful. I didn’t get that chance.

Here comes the implementation part….I realized that I was happy. I was in deep heartbreak, emotional cleansing, feeling left out, feeling betrayed, told I’m not good enough AND happy! Who needs fun? What I did need was decharging!!! This was a tip from the good hearted ghee slinger and a good one. In order to maintain balance in the fire, I needed to get my feet on the black marble, download the sadness and the solution-finding to Baba, pray for help in the mother’s cleansing water of the shower, stick my finger in the dirt and stare into the candle flame. The other thing that helped was to go into silence. I didn’t want to make it worse by talking about it to others.

Yesterday one of our teachers mentioned that Americans have the hardest time with discipline. We come from the land of the free and we give priority to diversity and creativity. To come to this path from the States and a New Age freedom background, it is hard to be asked to conform. It is hard to be told to trust and to give up all notions of the way we think it is. This may be the greatest lesson yet. Having every previous way of being, torn apart and reconstructed is an interesting path to divinity.

And so far…I am happy ….who needs fun anyway????

Shirdi Sai Baba

2006-07-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

Our task this week was to develop a closer relationship with Baba. We sang for 24 hours in the Baba Temple. We sang “Om Sai, Sri Sai, Jai Jai, Sai”. With every round of the mantra, I remembered that if you take one step toward the Divine, It takes nine steps toward you. The usual Arathi (the bringing in of the light that happens four times a day) took place while we sang. We had four groups that took turns doing two hour shifts. It was amazing! The digital pictures below show the many angels that graced us for the occasion (those are the round mandala-like light circles that indicate the angelic presence.) The angels obviously love the singing!

Oh yes, the relationship with Baba….When I first came to Penukonda, it was such a deep contemplation point. Who is this Baba? Why the statue? What does it mean? It is still a relationship that I am developing, but the beginning was extra confusing. Sri Kaleshwar mentioned during the recent Guru Purnima program that if we believe that Baba is here, he is here. It sounds like our deeper beliefs ARE powerful beyond measure. This is in alignment with many metaphysical teachings during this time. Swami says if we come and sit with Baba, we can make any bumpiness smooth and we can bless our entire family.

The relationship with Baba is personal. We each come closer to Baba in our own way. For me, I see the almighty cosmic One, in Baba. The One that is vast and all pervasive and the One that is as close as my heart beat. There IT is, sitting in the form of Baba in a beautiful setting, bathed and dressed with tender loving ritual each day, sung to each night, given the light and ceremony to bring it to life four times a day.

I used to wish I could pray more, really be present more to God, holding the hope and love of a better life and world for all, really holding it and pulling it into our planet. When I visit the Baba temple and stand or sit with others in prayer, I feel like I am doing this. I have time to remember everyone. I have special mantras and yantras to help each person according to their need. I am new, but I am ancient and I am remembering and learning to make use of the energy that is available to each one of us.

It comes with a price. As we purify, we release parts of ourselves that we have been hoping to purge for years and perhaps lifetimes. Strange sickness occurs…or as Laina calls it from the Native American tradition, “getting well”. It isn’t fun though. The first night of the 24 hour singing, I was supposed to lead group three with Sage and I was vomiting violently instead. I was able to make it over for the second and third round, but barely. I had to surrender to Divine Baba and the cleansing opportunity that was happening. Now Sage is coughing and living with a sore throat.

Swami said recently, “It is a big deal to open your soul!” I wish all of you great faith and patience as you open your soul and sweeten your own special relationship with Baba.

Faithfully yours,

Maya

The group picture shows at least 13 angelic globes of light. The second picture is an enlargement of the bright mandala globe

2006-07-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

Guru Purnima 2006 - Penukonda India

We’re here! After several days of adventures in Bangalore including a wild all-day adventure with customs getting our cargo shipment, we arrived at the Divine Mystery Fort, the place we fell in love with four months ago. Because of this place and the master Sri Sai Kaleshwar, we decided to change our life and go for some deep soul work in India. As we sit here looking out from our apartment which was only a pile of bricks on the forth floor when we last saw it, we are amazed at the journey we have taken and all the steps along the way. We miss all our dear friends and family and yet we feel so close to you. It is as if your breath is riding on the STRONG winds that have been blowing through Penukonda since we arrived.

I used to be afraid of the wind, seriously afraid. As I hear her coming and the doors start banging, clothes on the clothesline start spinning and buckets of rain dump here and there, I notice that I am not scared. It feels exciting! It feels like a message. Nature is alive and singing her song.

Many people from all over the world came to celebrate Guru Purnima. Part of the pull is that most people have a Power spot that they need to connect with each year. The other important part is that it is the full moon of the Guru. It happens once a year. People bring special lays for the Baba Statue and many prayers are answered in wonderful ways for friends, family and the world. Sri Kaleshwar is the special agent and living saint who sets up special processes for various groups and many processes for the whole group in attendance.

I was surprised that there were fire pujas in the temple almost every day at 10:00AM They lasted almost two hours and ended with an Arathi. That is a ceremony of light that happens four times a day in the temple. Being crammed in with 300 people sitting on the floor with no space to move was very uncomfortable. I found my prayers going to just getting me through the puja. As I slipped into trance I found the time passed quickly and I could feel that what was going on there was important for my process.

The second day at the puja, I started crying immediately. I felt all the pain of the world and I was right there in front of Baba (along with 300 others) so I let the prayer be felt, flowing out, begging Baba to help us do something for this world of ours. Then I started feeling nauseas and dizzy, and then weak. I didn’t know if I could make it through. By the end, it was time to go around the fire three times and then the temple three times and I was a zombie. I wandered home and fell asleep for about two days. I had a high temperature, diarrhea and no energy. I couldn’t eat or go anywhere. I started taking Chinese medicines and Tylenol. As the days passed and others did their amazing processes I just slept.

The medical system here at the ashram is well organized for the program. Someone checks the health of each room everyday between 7:00 and 8:00AM. They have advice and medicines. On the third day, I started the green coconut diet. Sage went to get them for me. They are like a supernatural life line. I was able to digest the milk and my energy began to return. The Tylenol brought the fever down. Also, on the third day I was convinced by the old-timers that it was time to take the first stage of antibiotics. After avoiding these for three years, I knew it was best.

Life is all about surrender. Being able to surrender to whatever is happening and trusting all is well. I have missed processes that I wanted to be at. The last few days I have saved all my energy for one special time each day. Then it is western medicine to assure I can leave the nearby restroom for an hour or two.

Oh, on a more positive note, Sage became a strong part of the audio team immediately. He is setting up sound many times a day. It is quite an effort to get everyone to understand Swami and to video and record every talk so they can be translated into German and read again in English for the many others. The translations are read the next day after each talk during programs.

The Theme for this Guru Purnima was The Mother Womb Chakra/The Holy Womb Chakra and how to strengthen and use this holy energy source for each of us. I will write more about that when I can.

It has been so wonderful to have so many students of Jonathan and Alx here. There are ten of us. It feels like a strong protection circle. Diana, Tara, Lynn and I were putting on saris for the arrival of the Minister of Andhra Pradesh. It was funny trying to tie a long piece of red cloth on us and look as elegant as the Indian women look every day. We did turn into beauties and came back from the event soaking wet. The grand finale was a short but powerful storm. The locals were laughing so hard at us.

Diana was saying it seems like we have been here for a long time. So much happens in one day and each day is so different in spite of the routines of Abeshek at 5:00AM, the three Arathis’, and the three meals a day. It is a fascinating experience.

By the way, Sage and I have been invited to lead a couple of bhajans sometime and the evening devotional singing is quite Divine although sometimes cut short or cancelled because of the mysterious way things go at the Divine Mystery Fort.

That’s it from this side of the globe. Blessings, peace, and big huge love.

2006-06-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

Milestones 6-19-06

Moonstones, sunspots, milestones,
Hopping from stone to stone.
As we peel away the layers of time,
Miles along the path,
The long journey into matter
And back out again.
Rock hopping is quite interesting lately.
They come quickly and always another stone
Waits after each landing,
Calling us,
You can make it,
keep on coming,
Pay attention to the moon's reflection of sunlight,
On the stones.
Find happiness in each leg of the trail,
Feel the wind in your hair as you travel,
At lightning speed through,
Moonstones, sunspots, and milestones.

2006-06-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

Sweet Mystery Tour Chapter 9

2006-06-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

When I first arrived on this planet I felt like the Velveteen Rabbit. Like the stuffed bunny who wanted to be a real rabbit, I wanted to be a real human.

Then came the 60's, the Beatles, the Viet Nam war, and I wanted to be a real hippie. I remember learning how to say the "F" word driving down an American freeway in a wingtipped push-buttoned convertable yelling the "F" word outloud for the first time in my life. This was the time of learning to say "no". "No" to war, "no" to make-up and meat, "no" to anything that could keep me from learning how to be real.

Then came the New Age and new thought and saying "yes" to life. "Yes" was about opening up again after building huge protection walls around my heart. "Yes" and "Wow" to the wonder of life and the door cracking to the possibilities of who I really was.

Now I'm learning to say "I don't know." After so many years of trying to understand what this planet is about and who I am, after so long trying to become human, I find that the more I "think" I know, the less I really know.

So I am turning homeward in the spirit of not knowing. In the spirit of surrender to the deeper mystery of what it means to be truely Real.

In the Spirit....let journey number 9 begin.